well, I've started this blog again as I've promised Jac ytd... anyway, thats not the point... the point is I am back.. and tts enuff i guss...
Many things have happened this period of time.. Quarrels happen everywhere... my hse, me and jac, her hse, my dad my mom, my mom my grandmom.. I'm jus so sick and tired that I wish i can end my life once and for all... but i cant.. i know if i jus leave like that, many ppl will be sad.. especially jac.. but i really cant take it anymore.. i have to act as if nothing happened in front of jac, and have to console her, enlighten her! i know its easier said den done.. but wad can i do? ask her to continue crying? ask her to not tok to her parents? ask my dad to scold my mom more? ask my granny to curse my mom further? i really dunno. depression. i dunno wad is tt and i dun care wad is tt. dying is jus a matter of time. i dun mind dying actually. had a dream ytd. dreamt that i consoled jac.. everythings alrite le.. when i reach home, saw mom crying.. granny laughing and dad watching tv like nothing has gone wrong.. i was so pissed i pulled my dad to my mom, ask him to look at her.. asked him wth he had done to her.. but he said nothing. and i ask him how cold u watch tv when ur wife's crying so bitterly over here! he says its her biz. at that point of time, i cant take it anymore and i jus punched him rite in his face. punch until my knuckles bleed. needless to say abt his face. i turned to walk away, and i see my granny laughing. i punched her too. aft tt i jus jump from my window. tts when i woke up. it was my anni ytd. and i've gave jac such a sad one. its memorable of cos. jus tt its a negative one. i lost the pair meant for her. useless rite. i dunno wad other words i can use to describe myself. i really dunno.
Sometimes i really feel like dying.. i mean wads the point of living such a world of misery? i flopped everything i attempted. i dunno. tts how i feel la. mayb u wld say that many ppl wish they cld live longer and here i am wanting to end it fast. ironic rite? but sry peeps, thats how i was feeling awhile back. even till now.
feel so empty now.. physically and mentally. even the words i say turns out to be empty.